WILLOW Magazine, Volume 15, Issue 1 Ministry Connections: Small Groups by Bill Donahue Coaching Conversations — Bringing the Best out of Group Leaders Everybody needs a coach. Premier athletes, corporate CEOs and world-class musicians all have coaches — people who bring out their best. We need others to prod us toward greater growth, to help us face weaknesses and inadequacies, to walk with us through our failures and to cheer on our successes. We all long for someone who is for us. “I don’t need another boss or someone looking over my shoulder,” a leader once told me. “I don’t need a coach!” I decided to have a little fun with him. “I see. You don’t need anyone to pray for you, cheer you on, love your family, supply you with strategic ministry resources, or connect you to key relationships with other cutting edge leaders? Wow, you must be some leader! I wonder if you could lead a seminar for us at out next gathering.” His reply was typical. “That’s not what I meant. Of course I need all that!” He sure does. But we have mistakenly postured coaches as gatekeepers, managers, critics, report-takers or spies. No wonder leaders avoid a coaching relationship. Instead of envisioning a golf or tennis coach leader picture a hollering, critical football coach who threatens to take them out of the game if the ball is fumbled. So what kind of interaction should take place between leaders and coaches so that leaders are empowered? The answer: focus on conversation, not evaluation. Here are four key coaching conversations to consider. The Caring Conversation Offer genuine empathy, seeking to encourage the leader as a person not a name on the organization chart. Focus on individual needs and challenges, offer prayer and spiritual support. Be careful not to over-promise and under-deliver. Leaders do not need to hear another “I’ll be praying for you” — pray with them now. Be attentive to the condition of their soul and connect them with soul-filling resources and relationships. The Developmental Conversation When meeting with a leader always provide something: creative ideas learned from other groups, something for personal growth, or resources for a group challenge they face. Brainstorm together and identify areas of personal growth and skills to be mastered, connecting leaders to solutions and resources. The Difficult Conversation Sometimes leaders need to hear some hard truth about ministry performance or character flaws. A loving, caring coach who has been developing and supporting the leader has earned the right to address problems or issues. But never discuss a failure without also providing a way back. People need to know that failure is normal, not fatal. Explain exactly what can be done to make progress or correct a wrongdoing, so the leader can move ahead. Offer to help along the way and provide hope for change. The Inspirational Conversation Everyone engaged in the spiritual battle of disciple-making needs inspiration. Remember to cast vision for them, not just to them. Don’t simply describe the ministry vision to them — help them embrace the personal vision God has for them. Help them see what God is doing through them, and dream about the possibilities that lie ahead as they remain surrendered to a loving God who is at work in them. These conversations are life-giving and ministry-building. Every leader needs them. Whatever your ministry model or structure might be, those in leadership roles need a supportive, prayerful, loving, truthful champion to empower and celebrate them. For more help consider looking at Coaching Life-Changing Leaders written by Greg Bowman and me. There are more conversations and resources there. But whatever you do, remember — everyone needs a coach. I know I do. Bill Donahue is the executive director of small groups for the Willow Creek Association Top