WILLOW Magazine, Volume 15, Issue 1 Family Ministry: From Isolated Silos to Integrated Strategies An Interview with Kurt Bruner and John Trent, Ph.D. Earlier this year, in a parenting roundtable discussion (Vol. 2, 2007, “The Church’s Parenting Challenge”), we explored how the winds seem to be changing when it comes to how the church views its role in coming alongside parents. Today, those winds continue to build momentum, pushing forward a collaborative culture for change. WILLOW recently spent time with two men spearheading an alliance of leading-edge churches on the forefront of church-driven, home-centered ministry innovation. Kurt Bruner is the executive director of the Strong Families Innovation Alliance who spent more than 20 years with Focus on the Family where he served as vice president over media and communications. He also spent 10 years as an elder in the 5,000-member Woodmen Valley Chapel in Colorado Springs before becoming pastor of spiritual formation at the 10,000-member Lake Pointe Church near Dallas. John Trent, Ph.D, is a noted author and speaker on marriage and family topics, including co-authoring the million-selling book, The Blessing. He has served as the family pastor at Scottsdale Bible Church, in Scottsdale, Arizona, and is the president of The Center for Strong Families. WILLOW: We’re at TGEN, the Translational Genetics Research Institute, and one of the world’s leading innovation centers for seeking cures for cancer. Why meet here? Trent: First, it helps that my twin brother, Dr. Jeffrey Trent, founded TGEN and let us in! But seriously, many readers will be familiar (or should be) with a book called Wikinomics. That book captures an emerging trend towards collaborative and dispersed teams coming together to create solutions to significant problems. In TGEN’s case, the problems these scientists are seeking to solve involve using the human genome to innovate against different types of cancers, autism, and Alzheimer’s disease. In our situation, we thought this setting would be the perfect place to push forward a National Innovations Alliance of outstanding, collaborative church-based teams, working together to face a huge problem in our churches and families. Namely, we’re losing the next generation when it comes to faith transference. Bruner: We’re all aware of the studies. Depending upon which of them you believe, anywhere from half to eighty percent of those raised in evangelical homes walk away from the faith by the time they go to college. Even the most conservative estimates suggest an alarming trend. WILLOW: So, is the church failing? Bruner: Absolutely not. I’ve heard many make that charge, and I disagree. While no church is perfect, the level of excellence I observe in most children’s and youth ministries today far exceeds what I experienced growing up in church. There is a role the church must play that only it can play when it comes to instilling strong faith in the next generation. But there is also a role only the home can play. In my opinion, the church has never been more intentional. But the home is really struggling. As we discussed during our most recent Innovation Alliance gathering, our focus shouldn’t be on what is or isn’t happening at the church — but on what desperately needs to happen in the home. WILLOW: How would you describe the role of each? Bruner: The church does the heavy lifting when it comes to presenting the gospel with clarity and excellence. But God designed the home as the primary place for spiritual formation. A strong family is where “the Word” becomes “flesh and blood” in the context of real relationships. Remember, the Apostle Paul told us that every marriage is intended to be a reflection of the marriage between God and his people. The same is true when it comes to the parent/child relationship. Our perception of God is heavily influenced by the relationship we have with our parents — for good or bad. That’s why kids are dramatically more likely to embrace their parents’ faith if they enjoy their parents’ company. So, the church needs to keep fulfilling its role with excellence. But the time has also come for us to call the family to fulfill its role and help them do so in an intentional manner. WILLOW: You obviously feel that innovation and collaboration is a key to this change. Explain what this idea of a National Innovations Alliance can mean to changing culture in a church to help families. Trent: Name a denomination, name a location, and you see hurting marriages and parents struggling to pass down their faith to their children. We have churches in our Innovations process that see more than 20,000 attend on a Sunday morning, and others with 200. But regardless of the size of the church, we’ve found the problems facing families are the same. And while the problems are common, what’s uncommon and frankly, unprecedented, is the opportunity we have of linking those “islands” out there of churches already doing a great job of bringing innovation and change to their families, with churches wanting better solutions. With the technology available that we’re developing right now, we truly believe that there is an opportunity like never before to focus mass collaboration by teams of God’s people to help families and change outcomes. Even though we’re just on the front edge of this call for mass collaboration, we’re already seeing churches begin to take assessment seriously when it comes to their families, and models and tools emerging that can make a positive difference. Just wait until this movement really blasts off! WILLOW: It’s obvious there’s a need, and that there’s an excitement for what you’re doing among churches. What about the challenges? Trent: Well, for one thing, having been a pastor, I can imagine this call for innovation directed towards families seeming like a huge undertaking — when the struggle is often just to keep our heads above water with all we’ve got on our plate! However, one thing we push at our Innovations Alliance gatherings (both live and online) is making 2 Degree changes. That’s a picture we use to help churches realize that over time, making small shifts — 2 Degree changes not 180 degree turns — can result in significant changes in the culture of the church, and its ability to bring help and hope to families. Bruner: That 2 Degree Difference idea has been extremely helpful because those who champion family-centered ministry can frighten the very people needed for real impact by trying to change the world overnight. I’ve seen situations where those with a “family ministry” emphasis come across as critics of the existing church vision and programs, or perhaps they isolate themselves from real impact by creating yet another silo program or department. It is much better, in our view, to celebrate and leverage what is already working well and build consensus through integrated strategies. I’d rather build momentum by rallying the existing leadership team around a common vision. WILLOW: Usually, people who champion an idea or movement do so independently. The two of you are doing this as a team. Why? Bruner: We have been friends for a long time. We’ve partnered to create books and other resources that help individual families pass the faith to their own children. And while we did so in the parachurch ministry context, me at Focus on the Family and John at StrongFamilies.com, we both remained heavily involved with the local church. About two years ago we both sensed the Lord leading us to do what we could to help local churches create a culture of healthy, intentional families. Our goal is to increase the likelihood a child growing up in an evangelical church will embrace the faith and grow deep spiritual roots. Besides, we have a blast working together! Trent: Kurt’s definitely better looking (which helps on television and when we do presentations together), and smarter. And seriously, we’re not just asking churches to build collaborative teams — we are one! Kurt serves at a large church, leading innovations there. I was at a megachurch for 25 years, but now my wife and I serve as lay leaders of the marriage and family ministry at a spin-off church called Northridge that averages around 1,000 on Sundays. That gives us great “labs” to share what we’re learning at the Innovations Alliance with real families. I guess we’re kind of like the Inklings, life-long friends looking for an excuse to meet together, in our case around a love for Christ and a passion for helping families —only we don’t meet at a pub like Lewis and Tolkien! WILLOW: You mentioned applying some of what you’ve learned through your Innovations Alliance meetings. Can you describe some of what you’ve learned? Bruner: To start, we’ve learned that most pastors and senior church leaders sense the need to do something, but can become paralyzed when confronted with a wide variety of opinions about and definitions of “family ministry.” That’s why our first Strong Families Innovation Alliance gathering focused on creating a common vocabulary and clear targets for innovation. The overarching challenge, we agreed, is the fact we are losing the next generation. Addressing that problem, however, requires tackling three issues. First, building strong marriages. Second, helping parents introduce younger children to Christ while they are in their most impressionable years. And third, partnering with parents of teens to help them become fully devoted followers of Christ. We have also learned that despite all of the good that can come from isolated programs for couples and parents, the next generation of church-based family ministry will be developing integrated strategies. Again, the last thing pastors need or want is yet another ministry silo to manage. WILLOW: One last question. How are you planning on churches getting involved in the “mass collaboration” network you’re talking about? Bruner: This April, John and I have the opportunity to speak together at the Conspire Children’s ministry conference. We intend to formally lay out the challenge and call for churches within and beyond the WILLOW Creek Association to join one of our collaborative teams. Trent: We hope to have systems in place to not only gather information in an incredibly helpful way, but that seminar will become the launching pad for a several-months process of encouraging innovation and gathering ideas that will become a “best practices” resource, available to churches across the network a year from now. In other words, that idea or thought that’s working with your families, may end up becoming a leverage point that helps thousands of families as well. Top